On Starting Anew (the What, Why, and How)

3 comments
17, Insight, Personal

Hello, my friend!

I have made quite a few changes in the past few weeks, and it has been nothing short of refreshing. This is almost an update post, however, way more so, it is me telling you that it is so important to take your life and flip it upside down (or at least sideways) if you’re feeling stagnant and you want to start anew.

So, per usual, here’s a massive post breaking it all down: what I did, why I did it, and how you can do it, too.

Let’s get started. :~)

So, from the beginning:

Before I left for Cabo on vacation, I was nothing short of a mess. (I feel like this happens often, and I write about how I bounce back from it often) (but hey, life is cyclic) (gotta take the ups and downs) I was very anxious all the time, pretty much more than usual, irritable, and just plain angsty for almost a week straight. I lied on the ground late at night all mopey at least five out of the seven nights that week.

So, I got tea with my friend, Meredith, the night before I left. We vented our faces off. It was liberating. However, I realized my general angst was due to 3 major things:

  1. Words left unspoken.
  2. Uncertainty.
  3. Insecurity and instability.

Of course, there are three separate situations associated with those three things, but those are the three root problems that defined those situations.

(One had to do with an old friend, one with a boy or something, one with current friends– IDK, it’s a long story that I won’t talk about.)

You, my dear reader, should be happy to hear that I fixed all of these things within the course of 3 weeks and boy, am I liberated. Let’s break it down with What I did, Why I did it, and How you can do it, too. 

What, Why, and How

1. Words left unspoken.

What: I called the person I had been dying to talk to up at 11 pm the night before my flight and just said everything I had meant to say. I meant no harm, so the talk was very easy and one of my favorite things that I have done this summer if I’m quite honest.

Why: Those words had been weighing on me for way too long. There are so many things they needed to hear, it had been ages since I had seen them, I found myself missing them so much, and I didn’t even realize that it was eating me from the inside out.

I was not mad; I was not sad; things were just so unresolved that I was practically at my boiling point, and it wasn’t until I talked to Meredith that I realized it was even an issue.

How: Talk and write it out to figure out what the issue is, or if it even exists. However, at the end of the day, approaching it head on may be the solution.* Then from that point forward, you can just start fresh and handle life with that closure and without that cloud looming over your head.

*Caution: This, of course, comes with repercussions that you should consider. Do with that information what you will.

2. Uncertainty

Uncertainty is the feeling you get when you want to know more, but cannot. 

Examples: You want to know if people will like the song you wrote, but it’s scary to find out and can’t know for sure, so you are uncertain of if you should perform it for others. You don’t know if this guy likes you, so you are uncertain of if you should talk to him or not. You want to know if you’ll succeed in the major you’re choosing, but you can’t have that answer, it’s risky to go for it, and thus are uncertain of what you’re studying in the future.

It sucks. Uncertainty is immobilizing. It is the #1 cause for all of the stress in my life.

What: How I dealt with this particular instance of uncertainty was just to stop wanting to know more. This took up my entire week in Cabo; I laid on a beach and read my book. I thought about all of the things I was thankful for and just let go.

Why: This was harder than I’m making it seem, but if you accept that it’s out of your control, and the information and plausible tangential comfort you seek are out of reach, you’ll learn how to be okay.

This, of course, was made easier by being in a different country, so that helped.

How: Sometimes certainty is just not attainable, and it’s okay; just accept it. Sometimes it’s simply out of your control, and when you grow up, you can’t have the answers to everything. An important aspect of starting fresh is to 1) stop clinging to the past and 2) stop clinging to the future. If you let both of those things go and start being more present, you’re on your way to a much easier life.

3. Insecurity and instability.

Insecurity is the source of so many problems everywhere, it’s ridiculous. Too much to say for one little sub-section of one little post.

This particular case of insecurity had to do with the idea of me not really belonging anywhere. I was insecure with myself, I didn’t feel at home in my own room (like, I felt like I needed to be out of the house at all times), I didn’t know what to do when I wasn’t home. I pretty much felt all floaty everywhere I was. My room was a mess; I had friends, but, for some reason, I felt uneasy whenever I was out; I was just felt anxious everywhere.

What: During a couple of days I was home alone after I went to Mexico, I changed everything.

I made a new schedule for myself, I took everything out of my room, except a bookcase and my desk, and reorganized it, I changed my beddings, vacuumed the carpet, got rid of things. The next day I took everything out again and took everything off that wall and spontaneously painted it using an old loofa, a sample thing of paint, a ladder, and some tape. The next day, I cleared my workspace, renovated my blog (that had been bothering me for quite some time), and started taking pictures again. Throughout all of this, I began reading every night and journaling before I went to bed. I drank a glass of water when I woke up, before and after every meal, and before I went to bed. I took back my life (again).

Why: If I couldn’t feel comfortable in my own space, meant for me to have alone time, recover, and be myself- something was wrong. Personally, I need that safe space to have security. My personal definition of self-security is knowing that I matter even when no one else is around. Once that is somewhat taken away, everything becomes a mess.

How: If you’re like me, and your insecurity stems from not having a place where you can be yourself and be something other than a player in someone else’s life- create one. Then start being yourself; write, listen to or create music, read, learn something new, cook, anything.

OKAY, A NOTE: This post is massive as it is and I am suddenly overwhelmed with so many thoughts and ideas on this subtopic that I need to wrap up this thought right now, and re-visit this idea of security at a later date.

Anyways;

Yes. That all happened in three weeks. I started over, in a way. I refreshed my friendship, my outlook on things, my little world where I have spent the past 2 and a half hours typing. I needed something new. I felt stagnant, so I started moving.

There are high points and low points to Life, so this “starting anew” thing will, of course, happen again, soon enough. However, for now, this was my new start. The post about “taking back my life” was my reboot in February, and this is my reboot now.

I hope this gave you some ideas as to how you can refresh yourself in a life that is getting a bit too dull and anxiety-ridden for your taste.

I…

  1. …tackled an underlying problem.
  2. …changed my perspective on something.
  3. …found my security.

You can do the same. Trust me.

I feel great, and I am so excited to continue creating and sharing with you.

If you have any questions, thoughts, anything, feel free to leave a comment, and I am most definitely still accepting emails to askabelaangus@gmail.com and anonymous messages on ask.fm :!)

I am here to help.

Best of luck,

Izzy

Note: This is the little makeover isabelaangus.wordpress.com has received. Hope you like. ❤

 

 

3 thoughts on “On Starting Anew (the What, Why, and How)”

  1. Pingback: An Exceedingly Personal Venture into this Past Month | 16til26*

  2. Hi Izzy! I’m Barbara from China. I have contacted you when I was applying Stanford Summer Session and have followed your blog for 4 months. Your writings are so amazing that I even wrote down some of the beautiful passage on my notebook. I met your brother in Stanford this week! I’m a fan of Cath in College and I watched the video about Geoff. Last Monday I recognized Catherine and Geoff when I was having dinner in Stanford. After that, I followed Geoff on Instagram and then I realized that you and him are siblings! This is so amazing! I wish you all the best!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Barbara! Yes, I remember you!
      That’s so awesome! He told me he was section leading for CS106A and he’s very excited to meet the high schoolers lol. Thank you so much for reading along and also this comment just plain made me so, so happy. Thank you! Wishing you the best as well! Hope your summer has been amazing on the Farm! ❤

      Like

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