Hi! I’m here. I promise I’m here- actually, I am more here than I have been in a while.
I took a break from a lot of things in the last month of summer. I stopped blogging, checking my emails (I’m so sorry), fixating on social media (didn’t abstain from it, but tried my best to limit it), etc., for a month.
My brother came home from college, I started trying to lay my roots down at home for one more month before I left for college, I built connections with new people, I hung out with my dog a lot, and I started the practice of just being.
Instead of talking through the dilemma I had like usual, I’m just going to say:
I utilized this month to connect to the people that I had in front of me while I could. I recuperated, simply trying to be who I wanted to be without the unspoken obligation to draw something poignant from the moment. I allowed myself to live organically because I found myself performing (again)- both for my readers and for people I haven’t met yet that I would be going to school with next year.
However, I am here now. I’m currently typing this from my dorm at Stanford. It’s 7 o’clock, and we’re four days into New Student Orientation, and I have never felt happier in my life. I’d love to get into details, but I’ll leave it at that for now.
Some Objective Truths:
- I’ve gone on a lot of runs.
- I’ve drunk a lot of tea.
- I have danced a lot in this past couple of days.
- Nothing should feel forced, especially relationships and time spent with people.
- Finding peace with yourself and your solitude is the first step to navigating life comfortably.
- It’s essential for self-care to be integrated into both your frame of thinking and your day-to-day routine.
- Vulnerability is the most important tool to build relationships.
- I’m very excited about a lot of things.
- I truly do draw energy from the people I am surrounded by.
- Writing in active voice is way more engaging.
- I am very lucky to be in the dorm I’m in.
- Allowing that “grateful” state-of-being to be a constant in life, rather than an isolated and situational feeling, makes me feel a lot lighter.
- It pays off to be patient with yourself and the people around you.
- Hindsight is always 20/20.
- Stanford University is my favorite place.
I’ve gotten in the practice of listing “objective truths” as an exercise to ground any atmospheric and pretty ridiculous anxieties and worries I sometimes have, and it’s an excellent exercise to center yourself and check in with reality.
I’ll delve into the struggles I faced during my summer after senior year another time. Just know that I am well. I’m still on that slump cycle that I described in another post, but that’s totally fine with me; I’m not at all ashamed of that!
I feel so, so incredibly in touch with my humanity as of right now. Every person I talk to, every emotion I feel, every word spoken, every breath, every tear, every bite of food- I feel like I am completely and utterly invested in and aware of who I am as an individual, friend, sister, daughter, stranger, and so on.
I think this may be a side-effect of finally getting to live in my heaven. On the other hand, I think after all 17 and a half years of toiling away- struggling with identity, social navigation, self-image, and positivity, among other things- I think everything I’ve learned about myself is culminating to this moment, right now. Being a part of a community where I can quite simply be.
Honestly, it’s liberating. I love it. I love everything.
I hope you’re well. I’ll be back soon, but I hope this suffices for now.