**A previous draft of this post accidentally published and got sent out to all email subscribers. Sorry ’bout all that,, xx
This is very late, but hey! Woo! This is mainly all about how I did something as seemingly simple as building a resumé and applying for a job, but in reality, it was a huge accomplishment and milestone reached on my part. Go me.
A Week of Writing: Day 6
16:32 march 31
i’m j chillin in a chair at a salon waiting for the bleach to seep into my hair and destroy its very being!
I am so excited!
I’ve had a great day!
So much to tell you!
Yesterday, I managed to successfully navigate the highway towards SFO and successfully pick up my brother and his girlfriend from the airport! I then drove through four hours of traffic to get home back to Brentwood! Then I spent the night taking care of some work, sorting things out before getting back to school. I scheduled breakfast with Meredith in the morning then turned in.
To be honest, at around 11:30pm last night, I started feeling really overwhelmed. I had an application due today at 5pm, I felt small and uninspired and trapped– all familiar feelings, but I was still frustrated nonetheless. In the process, I stumbled upon Olivia Gatwood and her poetry, felt fired up enough to write, but realised that it was 1am and I deserved to rest.
“Sometimes you just need sleep and a sunrise.” -me, this morning, at 00:51
So, I slept. I didn’t try to conquer the world all night. I didn’t launch myself into a 5-hour crisis and try to fix my head all at once. I took a deep breath, realised that I was overwhelmed and tired from the day. I went to sleep.
Then today! Was wonderful!
I got breakfast with Meredith and caught wind of all the ~hot goss~ Brentwood and Heritage High School has to offer. I met her new boyfriend, then went home and got cracking on revising my resumé (aka kinda build it from scratch) and revising my application for this research fellowship for the summer.
Growing up with an older brother, I’ve oftentimes just not had to figure things out on my own. It’s cool and all, but I also resent that concept a bit, since I feel like I haven’t learned how to do anything myself, which caters to that concept of feeling like “I’m not grown up” or “feeling like a child.” I’ll write more about this another time. So, I basically told my brother, from this point forward, that if I ask him a question regarding “how to do something,” he should outright tell me to google it like he did when he was growing up and doing x, y, or z. So, today, that’s what I did! I built my resumé, took peeks at his, but mostly pulled things from my old resumé, my college apps, and my LinkedIn (lol) and sort of tried to piece it together myself.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking:
“Wow, Izzy, nice. You did the thing that you’re supposed to do.”
BUT HEY. I did that. Not only that, but I did it ~on my own~. This is a milestone! Something worth celebrating! I spent 2 hours working on a piece of paper on my own that will sell my soul to potential employers, and it looks good and I am proud of it. I also applied to my first job/internship with it. So, I am pretty freaking stoked. After two whole academic quarters of feeling like I’m falling behind my peers and feeling like I’m not doing enough blahbalhabalhablablah, I pulled myself together and thrust myself into it, despite the anxiety and uncertainty surrounding it (“it” being pretty much everything having to do with jobs and employment). Through this process, I also got a chance to reacquaint myself with how absolutely incredible and involved high-school me was. Coming to Stanford gave me all of this unwarranted (well, warranted, but unnecessary) insecurity. The reality is: I got here. I got to this school. These four years are all about how much I grow and how much I can get out of this university. I just need to get out of my own way.
Then I got my hair cut and coloured and I feel fabulous.
- Just because something you accomplished is “normal”, does not mean that something is not worth celebrating. Going outside, driving through a very complicated airport, doing something yourself for once, applying for a job, speaking in class; if it’s out of your norm, then you’re allowed to celebrate it. Don’t downplay it because you feel like that’s where you should already be. Be proud that you got there, then keep it pushing.
- Perspective!!! Contextualise your feelings! I told Chloe, “Wow, good thing I didn’t interview for colleges, I would have tanked,” but then I realised that I, honestly, probably would have done really well in an interview in high school. I didn’t have all of this anxiety and insecurity regarding my professional and academic work! There was no need to! I didn’t realise people my age were actually curing cancer! Come on, brain! Pull yourself together! You are smart and capable and trying your very best. You are and always have been killin’ it. And high-school me knew that. Learn a thing or two from her.
- Being anxious is okay, it is nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t let it get in the way of what you want to do or what you feel like you should do. Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let anything get in the way. You’re you and this thing is just a part of you, something you experience. You can work through it. It takes time. Be patient with yourself.
- I’ve managed to get myself through the first two-thirds of my freshman year with minimal casualties and a LOT of personal growth. Spring Quarter will not know what hit her. Way more writing, way more sunshine, way more music. Let’s go.