yes, you saw that right~ i’m emerging from my hole to earnestly try youtube out for a second time! (look at that thumbnail!!)

am i excited? yes! am i scared? yes!

i’ve truly grown up on youtube. i’ve wanted to have my own channel for probably the last 10 years or something. i’ve filmed so many unfinished projects and thought so hard about this for the past few months and finally mustered up the courage to just go for it. i filmed this video last week and edited it slowly but surely for a long while, as i am bit by bit getting to know the basics of premiere pro and getting to know what kind of things i want to say to all of you (face to face!).

i remember when i first started my blog, i firmly believed that every single person could have a blog, every single person could share themselves and the things they have to say if that’s what they wanted to do. i believed that everyone had something unique and wonderful to bring to the table. i believed that until i stopped believing that about myself. so this is certainly an exercise in finding that faith in myself again, and my efforts to connect with you all further.

in this video, i talk about a few of the things that i’m trying to process– insecurities that were brewing in the past couple years, but certainly came to a head once i started living at home with very little external validation and social interaction. here, i give a little life update, and touch on three main points that i’m trying to remind myself of everyday.

i can’t help but think about how much i need to be reminded of these things constantly, how much i crave being told that i am enough, that i am special, that i am part of something, that i am valuable, that i have something to share, that i am trying my best and that i’m recognized by someone. this is not to say that nobody in my life ever tells me these things, because i do have friends and family that treat me gently with great love. but, as i get older all i want is to suddenly wake up one day and believe these things down into my bones once again– like i did when i was younger.

however, that won’t happen all at once. it’s something to practice, a muscle to exercise, work to be done. this youtube channel, and my blog as a complementary piece of it, is a part of that process 🙂

i hope i can offer any ounce of perspective or comfort or encouragement to you by sitting down and talking to my camera for a while. the music is gentle, and this video might be a nice thing to sit with while having a warm drink~ i hope this can allow us to be closer, in a way that i felt wasn’t as feasible solely through my writing.

you are allowed to take up space. you are constantly changing, along with everything else. you are on your own time. you are working hard. you have talents and values that you have every right to honor by nurturing them and not tucking them away from others or stifling yourself. so many people love you, and want what is best for you. and one of those people is writing this right now~

please subscribe to my channel and leave a little comment and say hello or share what’s on your mind if you would like~ i am very grateful and humbled to share so much of myself with you and to have grown up alongside you for so long ❤

i do earnestly hope to grow this channel and continue creating things that are fun and meaningful for both you and me in the future~ if you think you know someone that might vibe with all of this (*gesturing at myself*), send them my way!! ❤ and let me know if there are any kinds of videos that you’d like to see in the future! ❤

aside: as i sat down to write this, i got scared all over again to post and put myself out there again, but the thought of building a community on a platform like youtube, getting to talk to you in this way, and finally doing this thing i’ve wanted to do for so long… i’m so excited. i’ll work hard on this, for both of us!

and lastly: though this video was filmed and edited before the election results came around, i hope you are now able to take a deep breath now, rest, and get ready to continue moving forward. we still have a ways to go, and there is a lot of work yet to be done, but this is certainly a victory. stay safe.

i love you, stay healthy, and take care


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