I wrote a bit on my Instagram one night when I hit the 4-week mark of my program. I’m officially half-way through my stay in Paris and I’d like to continue the thought here.
To anyone whose thoughts have grown to be white noise, and you just want your brain back. Or to anyone trying to learn how to exist outside of your head. Or to anyone trying to build a home in themselves and find their peace in right now.
However, this is primarily a note to self. To step out of my head, come back down to earth, and put my two feet back on the ground already.
I’ve decided to pull together any of the posts to come in these next 3 months under the series title, “homesick.” While the first post was a more typical blog post, meant to be read more casually, I’m hoping, in these next three months, to process everything I’m feeling (believe me, it’s a lot) while I’m away from home in formal segments. This is Chapter 2 of homesick. I hope you enjoy. ❤
the house is silent. the air smells faintly of fresh, morning, farmland. my stomach is full of rice and sinigang, while i can feel the ring of german, tagalog, and unsteady english in my head.
leg #2 of this whole adventure takes place at my aunt’s house (whom I’ve met for the first time upon flying into zürich), in switzerland, where i stay with family, yet still feel incredibly far away when it comes time to lay down for bed.
00:19 13 September 2018
hi, i’m starting this at midnight, sitting in the lounge of my hostel, les piaules in belleville. i move hostels tomorrow afternoon and finally get to settle down and write.
UPDATE: I woke up early enough to need a sweater this morning, I embroidered that same sweater last night with my residents. I finished Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance (recommended to me by Adam) (incredible book) and I’m around 150 pages out from wrapping up Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss (by the time I came back to revise this post, I finished the book, and WOW). I’m wearing less and less makeup day to day (did you know you’re not supposed to exfoliate every day??), and I cut off a bunch of my hair by myself on Saturday. I wrote a song. I watched a whole lot of sunsets last week (7, to be exact), ate a 3-hour lunch while catching up with Quinn, ate a bunch of HaloTop ice cream with Brenna. I found a little café where, if you angle your chair a certain way and really dig into the book you’re reading or the piece you’re writing, you can ignore the fact that there is a crowded, honking parking lot right next to you, but at least they have little wicker chairs and good iced tea. I’m seeing Eighth Grade by Bo Burnham on Thursday, my former history teacher and college recommender and friend Mr. Rust is visiting Friday morning and I’ll see Brenna perform in her first ~professional show~ by Stanford Rep Theatre that night. I’m sure there are more things about this week to look forward to, but hey.
2AM on a monday
updates on goals: 70% done with my book, writing this post now, haven’t written a song but definitely singing, reading le petit prince every night, and i signed up for group classes at the gym so woo!
gonna be a short post this week and i hope to publish two in this coming week.
i bought my plane tickets to boston and europe on wednesday. i journaled some. i cried to mom some. my brother left for brasil yesterday. i spent some number of afternoons feeling sorry for myself, and another some sitting under the shade of my favorite spot on campus reading. an afternoon talking to myself and monologuing with a voice journal, drinking sugary drinks i know i don’t need, and waiting and waiting and waiting.
i had a big epiphany this week! huge news, because they are few and far between these days.
20h26 8 juillet 2018
hi! only a couple hours left for me to write this blog post before the end of week 2 to achieve at least one of my weekly goals. i’m turning through a pretty hefty book right now, and was also faced with major demotivation and fatigue, so nothing’s really happened.
Hi! It’s been a while.
Sophomore year is now over. I’m living in my residence for the summer, my residents moved in last week, I am setting a bunch of silly goals for myself for this summer and I am doing pretty well.
May 21st, 2018 21:19
Hi, sweet friend. Long time no see.
I’m writing today because my mind has finally gotten too loud for me to hear myself think. It’s been a few months since I’ve checked in, almost exactly 3, and I’m doing fine. I’ve been waiting for a moment when I had something substantive to say, but I think for posterity and transparency’s sake, I should take the time to write right now.
In pursuit of cleaning and simplifying my life, I deleted my social media to give myself ~space~. In case you didn’t know- ever since the 7th grade, when I first made my Facebook, I have been tragically dependent on social media. This isn’t your typical “social media is bad” Medium article– so keep reading.
There are many ways I can ramble about this, so in typical me-fashion, I’m going to break it down into parts:
- How I Got Into This Mess: A History
- 3 Things Social Media Made Me Do
- Some Things That Quitting Social Media Taught Me
- Healthy Social Media Practices™
5 February 2017, 13:54
The weather is absolutely unbelievable right now, I have an essay due tonight that I really must get going on, but I thought now is as good a time as ever to write to you all!
It’s February! It’s 78 degrees in February. I have classes Monday-Friday at 9:30AM and finish classes early in the afternoon every day, which means I get to run around in the sun all I want for this next week and a half or so as the weather permits.
Today, for lunch, I sat at the top of Meyer Green and ate sushi and blackberries and read as a little break after a few hours of classes. I got new jeans in the mail that fit perfectly. I have rehearsal tonight, I’ve submitted a few applications and still am working on quite a few more. I’m really, really working on finding balance.