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*Izzy Angus, 19

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pics or it didn’t happen

by IzzyJuly 9, 2016January 14, 2017

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advice for the weekend, baby! write that essay, go to that party, make that day trip, sleep tf in, eat your fears alive, and don’t forget to dance!!!

i guess i have to write a good-bye/love letter to something i’ve held so dear to my heart this past year. this ring, this bronze leaf i found at a plato’s closet in monterey bay, ca last september. i got it to mark the beginning of soco and the beginning of a journey towards all kinds of healing. that ring has held so many hands, touched the pacific, atlantic, and mediterranean, swam in sulfer hot springs and rivers, washed so many dishes, touched prayer flags and joined me on a very demanding past 14 months of learning, breaking down, and healing— my heart becoming stronger stronger like a muscle being torn and repaired over and over again. i will say that i arbitrarily declared the importance of this ring 14 months ago, but it has grown to be a genuine token of a very special time. i was hoping to keep it and pass it down, or be able to hold it and look back on all of the precious memories it had been a part of. this may seem silly, because it’s just a piece of jewelry, but i think that’s what’s beautiful about being a person: the ability to choose the things that are important to you. i mourn for her but i hope whoever finds her gets gets all of the love and energy i gave it these past 14 months. of all days i could have lost this ring, i’m happy it was today.

on a different note— it’s 4am again and your girl can’t sleep! realizations while tossing and turning: 1) i really love lady gaga 2) regrets are stupid. what am i gonna do about it? how am i going to work with what i have? 3) i used to cling onto a lot of silly one-liner beliefs to simplify my values, but i gotta just embrace nuance, tumble through life, and allow all my inconsistencies- my contradictions, my internal conflicts, my coin-flip philosophies- to carve out all the stupid nooks and crannies that make me unique 4) life may have gotten crazy, but the one hill i would’ve died on when i was 16 and would still die on tomorrow is that vulnerability and LOVE is the answer, baby! 5) treat your life with graceless irreverence and simultaneous soul-crushing significance. just say fuck it and proclaim that you’ll grow to be taller than the redwoods and brighter than the sun. speak it into existence!! “you’re saying a lie over and over and over again. but then one day, the lie is true” -lady gaga goodnight! with that #mondaymotivation honey

hm. missin this guy. i didn’t know loving him could ever be as simple and sweet as it is right now, yet here we are. here’s to a year and then some!!!

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