Some Objective Truths

Hi! I’m here. I promise I’m here- actually, I am more here than I have been in a while. 

I took a break from a lot of things in the last month of summer. I stopped blogging, checking my emails (I’m so sorry), fixating on social media (didn’t abstain from it, but tried my best to limit it), etc., for a month. 

My brother came home from college, I started trying to lay my roots down at home for one more month before I left for college, I built connections with new people, I hung out with my dog a lot, and I started the practice of just being. 

Instead of talking through the dilemma I had like usual, I’m just going to say:

I utilized this month to connect to the people that I had in front of me while I could. I recuperated, simply trying to be who I wanted to be without the unspoken obligation to draw something poignant from the moment. I allowed myself to live organically because I found myself performing (again)- both for my readers and for people I haven’t met yet that I would be going to school with next year. 

However, I am here now. I’m currently typing this from my dorm at Stanford. It’s 7 o’clock, and we’re four days into New Student Orientation, and I have never felt happier in my life. I’d love to get into details, but I’ll leave it at that for now.

Some Objective Truths:

1. I’ve gone on a lot of runs.
2. I’ve drunk a lot of tea.
3. I have danced a lot in this past couple of days.
4. Nothing should feel forced, especially relationships and time spent with people.
5. Finding peace with yourself and your solitude is the first step to navigating life comfortably.
6. It’s essential for self-care to be integrated into both your frame of thinking and your day-to-day routine.
7. Vulnerability is the most important tool to build relationships.
8. I’m very excited about a lot of things.
9. I truly do draw energy from the people I am surrounded by.
10. Writing in active voice is way more engaging.
11. I am very lucky to be in the dorm I’m in.
12. Allowing that “grateful” state-of-being to be a constant in life, rather than an isolated and situational feeling, makes me feel a lot lighter.
13. It pays off to be patient with yourself and the people around you.
14. Hindsight is always 20/20.
15. Stanford University is my favorite place.

I’ve gotten in the practice of listing “objective truths” as an exercise to ground any atmospheric and pretty ridiculous anxieties and worries I sometimes have, and it’s an excellent exercise to center yourself and check in with reality. 

I’ll delve into the struggles I faced during my summer after senior year another time. Just know that I am well. I’m still on that slump cycle that I described in another post, but that’s totally fine with me; I’m not at all ashamed of that!

I feel so, so incredibly in touch with my humanity as of right now. Every person I talk to, every emotion I feel, every word spoken, every breath, every tear, every bite of food- I feel like I am completely and utterly invested in and aware of who I am as an individual, friend, sister, daughter, stranger, and so on. 

I think this may be a side-effect of finally getting to live in my heaven. On the other hand, I think after all 17 and a half years of toiling away- struggling with identity, social navigation, self-image, and positivity, among other things- I think everything I’ve learned about myself is culminating to this moment, right now. Being a part of a community where I can quite simply be.

Honestly, it’s liberating. I love it. I love everything.

I hope you’re well. I’ll be back soon, but I hope this suffices for now. 

❤